I’ve eaten a lot of burgers in 42 years. I’ve had them with jalapenos, peanut butter or as blank as a beige wall. I craved them when I was a kid, even getting my grandfather to buy them for me for breakfast from McDonalds.
So, I know what I like; and I know what I don’t like.
I’ve been thinking about a burger place or restaurant: What would instantly get me lathered up? What starts the negative juices flowing? Here is a list, in no particular order, of things burger-related that get under my skin …
Places that ask you how you want your burger cooked only to cook it the way they cook all their burgers — I understand the court-inspired safety of medium well or well done. But if you ASK me and I say that I want it medium, then you’ve kind of set my expectation. If you’re going to cook it around well-done anyway, just don’t ask how I want it.
Too much salt – Ugghh. Salt should be to a meal like white noise is to going to sleep. If you notice it, you’re screwed and you’ll be listening to it. But when perfect, it’s almost unnoticed. Too much salt has become a cheap sales gimmick at a lot of bar/pub places (probably to sell more of the higher margin drinks) … see Mugshots/Tilted Kilt.
Pre-bussing my table – Okay, this isn’t really burger specific. I realize the need to turn the table. I realize that time is money, but I don’t like
being rushed (who does?). And questions like “You still working on that?” or variations on “Are you through yet?” drink me crazy. Ask if I’d like some of the stuff cleared, maybe, or better yet … wait until I’ve left.
Onions – The epicenter of my personal wishy-washiness about burgers is the onion. Some days, I don’t mind them, but often I find that the onion
overpowers all the other flavor of the burger. A strong onion will be the most dominant taste and it’s the taste that sticks with you. It’s the loud,
drunk friend of the burger world. You invite him to your party, but you know that he’s gonna get loud and completely blitzed, probably say things
you don’t want and be an complete ass. So, do you invite or not?
Uneven distribution – If you believe in all the stuff you’re putting on your burger, be bold, okay. Make sure that you spread enough around to go on every bite. If you leave sections untouched, I might get a less than tasty surprise.
Limp fries – There is a way too easy analogy here that I will just leave, as we say, hanging. Undercooked. Overcooked. Left in the heat lamp too long. I don’t care why. Crispy and hot are the only way.
From Beautilicious … Ranch Dressing — She doesn’t do ketchup and ALWAYS asks for ranch dressing for her fries. Nothing worse than not having it or being charged for a ketchup-equivalent.
Do you have any special peeves that I missed? Leave a comment and share.